Rebuilding Intimacy and Trust: How to Rebuild in your Marriage

Rebuilding Intimacy and Trust in Marriage

Intimacy and trust are two of the most painful tension points in marriage.
Often, couples think they’re fighting about money, communication, or intimacy—but those surface issues usually point to something deeper.

At the root of many marital struggles is distrust.

Our culture isn’t very good at intimacy. We’re taught to protect ourselves, curate how others see us, and avoid vulnerability—often because we don’t actually like who we are underneath the surface. And when that mindset enters marriage, it creates distance instead of connection.

Marriage was designed to be the most tangible picture of covenant we can see—a living reflection of our relationship with God. So, when intimacy is broken in marriage, it’s often a signal that intimacy is also broken somewhere else:

• With God

• And ultimately, with ourselves

Why Trust Comes Before Intimacy

Here’s something many people don’t realize:

Trust is an emotion—not a decision.

You cannot force yourself to trust someone.
Trust is built—or broken—through small, consistent actions over time.

When trust is missing, intimacy becomes impossible. We won’t open our hearts to someone we don’t feel safe with.

That’s why it’s so important to ask honest questions:

• Do I trust my spouse with my emotions?

• Do I trust them with finances?

• Do I trust them spiritually?

• Do I trust them with our children?

Identifying these areas isn’t about blame—it’s about clarity. You can’t heal what you won’t name.

The Courage to Have Hard Conversations

Many marriages stay stuck because couples pretend trust exists when it doesn’t.

But intimacy begins when we stop protecting ourselves and start telling the truth.

Saying, “I don’t trust you in this area” is one of the most vulnerable statements a person can make—and one of the most powerful. It opens the door for real connection instead of silent resentment.

Yes, those conversations are uncomfortable.
Yes, they can sting.

But growth requires humility—on both sides.

Trust Is Built One Grain at a Time

Trust works like a rice bowl.

Every action either adds rice or takes rice away.
Over time, the bowl fills—or empties.

When the bowl gets low, it’s not wrong for a spouse to say, “I don’t feel safe here.” That honesty is an invitation to rebuild, not an accusation.

Sometimes rebuilding trust means changing behaviors.
Sometimes it means learning to love in ways your spouse can actually receive.

The Parallel Between Marriage and God

Many believers struggle with intimacy with God and don’t understand why. They pray, worship, read Scripture—yet still feel distant.

Often, the root issue is the same: distrust.

Trusting God isn’t automatic. It grows as we are honest with Him.

“God, I don’t know if I trust You with this area of my life—but I want to.”

That prayer opens the door for Him to reveal His faithfulness.

Just as God proves Himself trustworthy, spouses must be given space to do the same.

Turning the Family Room into a Place of Peace

When we’re willing to identify distrust, confess it, and walk through the discomfort of honest conversations, something begins to shift.

Homes that once felt like battlefields can become places of rest.

Not because conflict disappears—but because connection increases.

The Family Room was never meant to be a war zone.
It was meant to be a place of healing, covenant, and peace.

If you are ready to turn your family room from a battlefield to a sanctuary check out these resources to go deeper: 

Pathway to Wholeness Course

God's Design for Families EBook

Listen to the podcast episode on Family Room Mission Podcast