How to Call Forth Your Child's Identity in Christ | Christian Parenting

Calling Forth Identity in Your Kids 

There is a question every parent eventually has to wrestle with: Who is telling my child who they are? We live in a world that is constantly offering our children answers to that question. Identity is everywhere. Children are being told that identity comes from what they feel, what they want, what they accomplish, what they are interested in, who accepts them, or how other people see them.

But long before the world ever had an opportunity to tell your child who they are, God already knew them. Scripture tells us in Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.” Psalm 139 reminds us that God formed our inward parts and knitted us together in our mother's womb. Our children are not accidents searching for meaning. They are people intentionally created by God, and their identity begins with the One who created them.  

That changes the way we think about parenting. Sometimes we approach discipleship as though our primary responsibility is to make sure our children behave correctly, memorize Scripture, attend church, and know the right Bible stories. Those things can be valuable, but there is something deeper underneath all of them. Before we can simply teach children what to do, we need to help them understand who they are.

If our children only know what Christians are supposed to do but don't understand who they are in Christ, they can easily begin defining themselves by their behavior. They can become the good kid, the difficult kid, the athletic kid, the smart kid, the anxious kid, the popular kid, the failure, the achiever, or whatever label the world gives them. But Scripture gives us a different foundation. Our identity flows from God's design, His purpose, and what He has done for us through Christ.  

This is why parents have such an important role in calling forth identity in their children. We cannot outsource this responsibility to the church, the children's pastor, the youth pastor, teachers, or even Christian friends. Those people can reinforce what we are teaching, but parents have the unique opportunity to speak truth into their children's lives over and over again. We get to tell them before the world does that they are loved, accepted, chosen, wanted, and created with purpose. We get to help them recognize the difference between the voice of truth and the voices that seek to define them by something other than Christ.  

One of the simplest ways to begin doing this is through “I am” statements. There is something powerful about helping our children put biblical truth into words they can say about themselves. In our family, we practiced what we called the “Breakfast Benediction.” Before school, we would speak identity over our children. When they were young, I would say, “Repeat after me: I'm loved. I'm accepted. I'm chosen.”

Over time, those words became familiar. They became part of the language of our home. And that mattered because eventually our children began encountering moments when they didn't feel loved, accepted, or wanted. When those moments came, we could go beneath the behavior and ask what was really happening in their hearts. Sometimes the answer was fear. Sometimes it was discouragement. Sometimes it was the belief that nobody cared about them. And then we could return to the truth: I'm loved. I'm accepted. I'm chosen.  

The goal isn't positive affirmation for affirmation's sake. The goal is to establish truth so deeply in our children's hearts that when lies come—and they will come—they have something solid to stand on. If a child has already learned to recognize the truth of who they are in Christ, they don't have to wait until adulthood to begin sorting through every lie about their identity. They have been given a foundation. They know what God says about them, and they can begin learning to bring what they think and feel into alignment with that truth.  

But calling forth identity goes beyond simply teaching children biblical statements about who they are. It also means learning to recognize the unique way God designed each child. This is where redemptive gifts become so valuable. Romans 12 gives us seven gifts—Prophet, Servant, Teacher, Exhorter, Giver, Ruler, and Mercy—and these gifts provide a framework for understanding some of the ways God has uniquely wired His people. Rather than simply looking at personality through the latest personality test, we can begin asking a different question: How has God designed this child to interact with Him and participate in His purposes?  

Understanding a child's redemptive gift doesn't mean putting them in a box. Instead, it can give parents another lens through which to see their children. It can help us recognize strengths that may otherwise look like weaknesses, identify areas where a child needs encouragement or growth, and begin seeing how God might use the very things that make a child different for His purposes. It can also change the way we respond to conflict. Instead of simply asking, “How do I get this behavior to stop?” we can begin asking, “What is happening beneath this behavior, and how can I help my child grow into the design God has given them?”  

I saw this play out in my own family with two of my daughters. One is an Exhorter and one is a Giver, and their differences created plenty of opportunities for conflict. Their personalities could rub against one another, and what one child needed could be exactly what frustrated the other. But once I understood their redemptive gifts, I could begin helping them see their relationship differently. The Giver needed encouragement, while the Exhorter was naturally gifted at giving encouragement. Rather than simply seeing their differences as a source of sibling conflict, we could begin showing them how their differences could actually become a source of strength. One daughter's strength could help meet the other daughter's weakness.  

That is one of the beautiful things about understanding God's design. We don't have to make everyone the same. We don't have to parent every child exactly the same way. And we don't have to treat every weakness as something that needs to be eliminated before a child can be useful to God. Instead, we can teach our children how their strengths and weaknesses fit within the larger body of Christ. We can help siblings understand that God didn't make them different by accident. Their differences can become opportunities to serve, encourage, challenge, and strengthen one another. The family itself becomes a training ground for learning how the body of Christ is supposed to function.  

Imagine what could happen if an entire generation of children grew up knowing both who they are in Christ and why God designed them the way He did. Imagine children who don't have to spend their teenage years desperately searching for an identity because they have already been taught that their identity begins with Christ. Imagine children who know that they are loved, accepted, chosen, and wanted. Imagine children who understand that their strengths have a purpose and that their weaknesses don't disqualify them from being used by God. Imagine children who know how to recognize the lies of the enemy because they have been saturated in the truth of God's Word. That is more than behavior modification. That is discipleship. That is identity formation. That is raising kingdom leaders.  

And perhaps the most important place to begin is with ourselves. If we don't understand our own identity in Christ, it becomes difficult to teach our children theirs. If we don't know how God has designed us, it can be difficult to recognize and celebrate the design He has placed in our children. Before we can call forth identity in them, we have to allow God to speak identity into us. We have to become students of His Word and students of the children He has entrusted to us. We have to stop parenting only from a place of correcting what is wrong and start parenting from a place of calling forth what God has placed inside them.  

You don't have to start with something complicated. Start with the words you speak around the breakfast table. Start by telling your child, “You are loved. You are accepted. You are chosen. You are wanted. God created you on purpose.” Look for the places where fear, shame, insecurity, or rejection are trying to define them, and begin replacing those lies with truth. Pay attention to the unique ways your child is wired. Ask God to show you their strengths, their weaknesses, their purpose, and the ways you can encourage them toward Christ. And remember that you are not simply raising a child who needs to behave well. You are raising a person who was created to know God, reflect Christ, and participate in His Kingdom.

If you aren't sure where to begin with redemptive gifts, I have a free Redemptive Gift Quiz available to help you begin exploring your own gift or your child's. It's not a replacement for prayer or seeking the Lord, but it can give you a starting point for understanding the unique design God may have placed within you and your child.  

And if you want practical help learning how to call forth identity in your children, the Kingdom Kids Identity Course is available for just $7. The course walks you through teaching and training your children in their identity in Christ and begins leading you toward understanding redemptive gifts and God's design for your children.  

Your child doesn't have to wait until they're grown to discover who they are. You can begin calling forth their God-given identity today.

Explore the free Redemptive Gift Quiz, Kingdom Kids Identity Course, and other Family Room Mission resources at AshleyTilford.com.

You can check out more about the redemptive gifts and listen to the full episode at the Family Room Mission Podcast