Inviting the Healer In: Teaching Your Children Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Inviting the Healer into Your Home

When pain, conflict, or betrayal enter our homes, it’s easy to feel stuck. But God never designed our families to live in cycles of hurt and shame—He designed them to be places of healing, grace, and restoration.

In this post I’m sharing how we can invite the Healer—Jesus Himself—into our homes and teach our children to walk through the process of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Why Forgiveness Matters

People will hurt us. Circumstances will disappoint us. But as followers of Jesus, we are called to forgive—not because others deserve it, but because Jesus forgave us first.

When Jesus hung on the cross, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
We must model that same mercy to our children. It is a model we must follow for our homes.

Forgiveness is not about minimizing pain—it’s about surrendering our right to hold on to it. It’s choosing to let Jesus carry what we can’t.

Teaching Children to Forgive

Forgiveness is hard, even for adults. So how do we teach it to our children?
We start by walking it ourselves.

If we haven’t experienced forgiveness personally, it’s nearly impossible to model it authentically. Begin by asking Jesus to help you forgive the people who have hurt you. Then, use that same process to teach your children.

Here’s a simple 4-step framework to help guide those conversations:

1. Identify how you feel – Help your child name their emotions. “I feel angry,” “I feel sad,” or “I feel left out.”

2. Make the choice to forgive – Explain that forgiveness isn’t about feelings; it’s about obedience and freedom.

3. Invite Jesus into the pain – Ask, “Jesus, where were You when this happened?” Let Him bring peace and comfort.

4. Release the hurt to Jesus – Pray together and hand Him the pain.

When we invite Jesus into the healing process, we shift from managing pain to ministering healing.

What Reconciliation Looks Like

Forgiveness is the first step. Reconciliation is the bridge that restores relationship.

When I teach my children about reconciliation, I use the “paint bucket” analogy:
Every time we get into a fight, it’s like we’ve thrown a bucket of paint into the room. The mess gets on everything—and both people have to help clean it up.

Reconciliation means owning your part of the mess without blaming the other person.
You can’t control their response, but you can take responsibility for your own.

Here’s the 4-step process for reconciliation:

1. Acknowledge the break – Recognize that a relationship has been hurt.

2. Own your part – Take responsibility for your actions or words without blame-shifting.

3. Listen and validate – Give the other person space to share how they felt.

4. Repair the relationship – Offer words of repentance and forgiveness.

Phrases like, “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” and “I didn’t mean to hurt you” model humility and healing.

Healing Begins with Hosting His Presence

Our homes were never meant to be places of constant conflict and shame. They were meant to be family sanctuaries—spaces where the presence of Jesus dwells.

But if we are holding onto to unforgiveness or refusing to reconcile, they will be places of frustration, anger, and strife. 

But you don't have to do it alone. 

When we invite Jesus into our pain, He brings peace where there was strife and restoration where there was brokenness.

Healing begins when we stop trying to fix it ourselves and instead invite His presence in the very places we think are too broken, too difficult, or too messy. 

Ready to Start?

Download your Free Forgiveness & Reconciliation Printables – simple 4-step guides to help your children practice these heart skills.
Check out the new Pathway to Wholeness Course – 4 powerful steps to help your family walk in emotional and spiritual healing through Christ.

Your family can experience wholeness—one step, one choice, one invitation to Jesus at a time.

Listen to the Podcast Episode HERE