From Survival to Wholeness: A Christian Marriage Testimony

From Survival to Wholeness: A Christian Marriage Testimony

Marriage doesn’t usually fall apart overnight.
More often, it slowly erodes under the weight of grief, unmet needs, unhealed wounds, and misplaced priorities.

Jon and I met in high school. We were young, in love, and full of dreams. We got married our senior year of college, excited to start our life together. But just three weeks after our wedding, Jon’s dad died suddenly at the age of 42 from a massive heart attack.

That moment shaped the foundation of our marriage.

Instead of learning how to support each other, our marriage was built around supporting everyone else. We spent the first years caring for his mom emotionally, financially, and spiritually—without realizing that’s what we were doing. We weren’t followers of Christ at the time. We went to church, believed in Jesus, but didn’t truly know Him.

Our marriage became about meeting external needs.

When Marriage Is Built on Survival, Not Connection

After eventually moving into our own place, we had children quickly. The focus shifted from his mom to our babies. Again, our marriage revolved around meeting needs—but never each other’s.

We struggled deeply:

• Finances were tight

• Intimacy was distant

• Communication was shallow

• Spiritually, we were disconnected

We were friends—but not connected at a covenant level.

I ran an in-home daycare with seven children under the age of three while raising my own kids. Jon worked long hours at a commission-only job. We were exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally depleted.

I was angry all the time. Angry at my life. Angry at my marriage. Angry at God—even though I didn’t fully realize it.

When God Met Me in My Brokenness

In a short period of time, I experienced immense loss. Eight people died within a couple of years, including my grandmother—who had always pointed me toward Christ.

She left me a book called Praying God’s Word by Beth Moore.

In my desperation, I went back to what had once helped me survive as a teenager: journaling, reading Scripture, and crying out to God.

I prayed one simple prayer:

“God, help me quit this daycare—but let Jon be okay with it.”

Soon after, I found out I was pregnant with our third child. When I told Jon, his response surprised me:

“Well, I guess you’ll have to quit the daycare.”

That moment marked the beginning of my personal journey toward Christ—and eventually, the healing of our marriage.

“Do You Love Me?”

A few months later, Jon asked me a question that changed everything:

“Do you love me?”

Of course I felt like I loved him. But when I really looked at my actions, there was no evidence.

I wasn’t affectionate.
I wasn’t kind.
I wasn’t present.

I was surviving—not loving.

That question forced me to take responsibility for my half of our marriage. And slowly, Jon began doing the same.

We realized something crucial:
No one outside our marriage could fix it for us.

Serving everyone else had cost us intimacy with each other.

Inviting Jesus Into Our Marriage

Healing didn’t happen overnight. It was a long process—especially in the area of intimacy, which I deeply struggled with.

But as I worked through my own wounds, learned to communicate honestly, and took responsibility for my emotional and spiritual healing, something shifted.

We moved from being roommates…
to being intentional.
from surviving…
to connecting.

And eventually, from survival to wholeness.

Turning Your Marriage From a Battlefield to Sanctuary

Love requires work.
Patience.
Kindness.
Humility.

When we stop blaming and start asking:

• Why do I shut down?

• Why do I avoid connection?

• What part of me needs healing?

That’s when intimacy begins to rebuild.

If your family room feels like a battlefield right now, I want you to know—peace is possible. But it starts with ownership, healing, and inviting Jesus into the center.

Resources for Your Healing Journey

If you’re struggling to move from brokenness to wholeness:

• The Pathway to Wholeness Course is designed to help you walk through inner healing and emotional restoration, not just for your kids: but for you.

• The Forgiveness & Reconciliation Printables are available to help you process relational wounds step-by-step.

You can find both at www.ashleytilford.com.

Listen to the full episode on the Family Room Mission Podcast

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