Raising Watchmen, Not Fearful Kids: Teaching Children to Stand Firm in Faith

There is a difference between raising children who are protected from everything difficult and raising children who know how to stand when difficulty comes. As parents, we naturally want to protect our children. We want to keep them safe from rejection, disappointment, suffering, embarrassment, pain, and the many things in this world that can wound their hearts. But there comes a point when protection alone is not enough.

Eventually, our children will step into places where we cannot stand beside them. They will encounter decisions we cannot make for them. They will face pressure we cannot remove. And if we have only taught them how to avoid difficult circumstances, they may not know what to do when difficulty finds them.

This is why I believe we need to raise watchmen, not fearful kids.

Throughout Scripture, we see the picture of a watchman. A watchman stood on the wall or in a tower and watched for approaching danger. His responsibility was not to create danger or to live in constant terror of what might happen. His responsibility was to remain alert, recognize what was coming, and sound the alarm when necessary. In Ezekiel 3, God tells Ezekiel, "Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel." The watchman was given a responsibility to hear from God and warn the people. Ezekiel 33 continues that picture by explaining the seriousness of remaining silent when the watchman sees the sword coming. Isaiah 52 gives us another picture of watchmen lifting their voices and declaring what they see.

There is something powerful about this picture when we begin to think about parenting. Our goal is not to teach our children that danger doesn't exist. Our goal is to teach them what to do when they recognize danger. We aren't raising children who are supposed to be afraid of everything around them. We are raising children who can recognize what is true, identify what is false, listen to God, and stand firm when the world around them tells them to do something different.

That means we have to change the way we think about fear.

Fear has a way of immobilizing us. It can keep us standing in the same place because we are afraid of what might happen if we move forward. We become afraid of what people might think. We become afraid of rejection. We become afraid of embarrassment. We become afraid of losing something. And instead of moving toward what God is asking us to do, we retreat. We protect ourselves. We freeze.

Children experience this too.

Sometimes we can see it more clearly in children because they haven't learned to hide their fears as effectively as adults have. They may simply tell us, "I don't want to," or "I'm scared," or "I don't know anybody." And those moments can become opportunities for us to look beneath the behavior and ask a deeper question: What are you afraid of?

Recently, my girls went to a birthday party that included middle school and high school students from different areas of the birthday girl's life. When we arrived, there were different groups of friends gathered together. One large group of girls knew each other from volleyball, and my daughters were standing beside me instead of joining them.

I encouraged them to go play volleyball.

They didn't want to.

When I asked why, the answer was essentially, "I don't know anybody."

But as we talked about it later, we were able to uncover what was underneath that response. They were afraid of rejection. They were afraid that they might walk up to the group and ask to play, only to hear, "No, you can't play with us." They hadn't even tried. Fear had already made the decision for them.

That is what fear does. It convinces us that something will happen before it ever happens, and then it persuades us to protect ourselves from the possibility. In their case, that fear wasn't completely random. There had been a previous experience where they had asked to play with another group and had been told no. That memory became connected to the situation they were facing now. Suddenly, an unfamiliar group of people felt unsafe.

As parents, those moments give us an incredible opportunity.

We can simply say, "Go play. There's nothing to be afraid of." Or we can help our children learn something they can carry with them for the rest of their lives. We can help them identify the fear. We can help them identify the lie underneath the fear. We can help them bring that fear and that memory to Jesus. And then we can help them practice moving forward even when they don't feel completely comfortable.

That's the difference between fixing behavior and building identity.

My goal wasn't simply to make my girls go play volleyball. If that had been the goal, then I could have forced them to get up, walk over to the group, and participate. But that would only have solved the immediate situation. My greater goal was to give them a tool they could use the next time fear tried to stop them.

I want them to be able to recognize that feeling and eventually ask themselves, Why am I afraid? What am I believing? Is that actually true? What does God say?

Because someday the situation may not be a volleyball game. Someday it may be standing up for their faith. Someday it may be refusing to participate in something they know is wrong. Someday it may be speaking truth when everyone around them is telling them to stay quiet. Someday it may be choosing obedience to God when obedience comes with a cost. Our children need to practice those spiritual muscles now.

We cannot wait until they graduate high school and suddenly expect them to know how to stand firm in a world that does not necessarily celebrate their faith. If we spend their childhood protecting them from every difficult conversation, every uncomfortable situation, and every opportunity to wrestle with what it means to follow Jesus, we may unintentionally send them into adulthood without the tools they need.

Following Jesus is beautiful. There is deliverance. There is provision. There is protection. There is authority in Christ. There is the incredible reality of belonging to Him.

But following Jesus also comes with a cost.

Jesus tells us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. Scripture also tells us that if the world hates us, we should remember that it hated Him first. Those aren't necessarily the easiest truths to teach our children, but they are truths our children need to know. We don't tell our children these things to make them afraid. We tell them so they won't be surprised when following Jesus requires courage.

There is a profound difference between warning a child about the reality of opposition and raising a child who expects danger around every corner.

One produces preparation. The other produces fear. Our children need preparation. They need to know that there will be moments when they have to make hard choices. They need to know that following Christ may mean being different. They need to know that obedience isn't always comfortable. They need to know that suffering and trials are part of the Christian journey. And they need to know that when those moments come, Jesus will be with them.

This is where the picture of the watchman becomes so important.

A watchman isn't standing on the wall because he is terrified of what might come. He is standing there because he has been entrusted with a responsibility.

What if we began teaching our children to see their faith that way?

Instead of, "What if everyone makes fun of me because I'm a Christian?"

What if we teach them, "God has called me to stand firm."

Instead of, "What if they reject me?"

What if we teach them, "My identity doesn't come from their acceptance."

Instead of, "What if something goes wrong?"

What if we teach them, "God is still faithful."

Instead of, "What if I'm afraid?"

What if we teach them, "I can bring my fear to Jesus and still obey Him."

That doesn't mean we pretend fear isn't real. It means we refuse to allow fear to become the thing that leads us. One of the most important things we can teach our children is that when fear comes, we don't have to immediately protect ourselves through our own strength. We can learn to trust Jesus. Fear often causes us to do something to make ourselves feel safe. We withdraw. We lash out. We avoid. We control. We seek approval. We protect our reputation. We protect our relationships. We protect ourselves from the possibility of pain.

But the Gospel teaches us something different.

Jesus is our all-sufficient sacrifice. Our security ultimately isn't found in controlling every circumstance. It isn't found in making sure nobody ever rejects us. It isn't found in guaranteeing that nothing bad will ever happen. Our security is found in Christ.

That doesn't mean everything will always happen the way we want it to. It doesn't mean our children will never experience rejection, disappointment, suffering, or pain. It means we can teach them that God is faithful even when circumstances don't unfold according to our plans.

And that is a muscle we can begin building now.

When your child is afraid to walk into a new room, don't immediately dismiss the fear.

Ask questions.

When your child is afraid of being rejected, don't simply tell them to get over it.

Help them uncover what they're believing.

And then begin speaking truth over them.

If your child is afraid of rejection, you can bless them with courage to build new relationships. You can remind them that their identity isn't determined by whether a particular person accepts them. You can speak life over their ability to interact with others, to show the love of Jesus, and to move forward with courage.

This is one reason I created the free Redemptive Gift Blessing Cards. If you haven't started blessing your children intentionally or you're unsure what that looks like, these printable cards can give you a simple place to begin. They are designed to help you speak words of blessing and identity over your children as you intentionally call out what God has placed inside of them.

You don't have to wait until your child is struggling to begin speaking life over them. Start now. Because we aren't simply trying to get through today's behavior. We are training our children for tomorrow. That is the heart of discipleship. We teach them now so they can walk it out later. We give them tools now so they can use them later. We practice identifying fear now so that someday they can recognize fear when the stakes are much higher. We teach them to recognize lies now so that someday they can discern lies without us standing beside them. We teach them to trust Jesus now so that someday, when we aren't there to answer every question, they know where to turn.

That is what it means to raise watchmen.

Not children who never experience fear.

Children who know what to do when fear comes.

The goal is not that Mom and Dad will always have to walk them through every fear. The goal is that they will grow in wisdom, faith, and maturity until they can recognize those places themselves and bring them before the Lord. That is the kind of parenting that looks beyond today's behavior and toward tomorrow's calling.

So ask yourself today: Am I raising my child to avoid everything that makes them uncomfortable, or am I teaching them how to stand firm when they are uncomfortable?

Our children don't need parents who can remove every difficult thing from their path. They need parents who will walk beside them as they learn how to navigate the difficult things with Jesus.

They need us to teach them that following Jesus is worth the cost.

And they need us to remind them that they have been called to stand.

We aren't raising fearful kids.

We are raising watchmen.

And the training starts in the family room.

If you want a simple way to begin intentionally speaking identity and blessing over your children, I invite you to download my free Redemptive Gift Blessing Cards at www.ashleytilford.com. These printable cards can help you begin putting words to the unique ways God has designed your children and intentionally speaking life over them.

And if your child—or your family—is dealing with places where fear, painful memories, or lies have created patterns that feel difficult to move through, the Pathway to Wholeness Course walks through a process of identifying fear, renouncing lies, and inviting Jesus into those places where we have become stuck.

You can find both resources at www.ashleytilford.com. And you can listen to the podcast episode at Family Room Mission Podcast on Spotify or other podcast platforms. 

Because the goal isn't simply raising children who know how to behave.

The goal is raising children who know who they are, whose they are, and how to stand when the world tells them to sit down.