How to Recognize the Enemy's Schemes | Christian Parenting

Teaching Your Children to Recognize the Enemy's Schemes 

There are some things we teach our children because we want them to know how to function in the world. We teach them how to cross the street, how to tie their shoes, how to read, how to communicate, how to treat other people, and eventually how to navigate the increasingly complicated responsibilities of adulthood. But there is another kind of knowledge that our children desperately need, and it is: how to recognize the schemes of the enemy.

Scripture says in Hosea 4:6 that God's people are destroyed for lack of knowledge, and Paul tells the Corinthians that we are not to be ignorant of Satan's designs. The implication is important. The enemy has schemes, and if we don't recognize them, we can be outwitted by them. But if we understand how he operates, we become much more equipped to resist him.  

I think sometimes we make spiritual warfare far more complicated than it needs to be. We imagine that every difficult circumstance must have some elaborate spiritual explanation, when sometimes the battle is happening right in front of us in ways that are actually quite recognizable. In my experience, there are two primary ways I teach my children to begin identifying the enemy's schemes: fear and lies.

Fear and lies work together. Fear can cause us to believe something that isn't true, and once we believe the lie, that lie can produce even more fear. The cycle keeps us stuck. We become afraid, we believe something because we are afraid, and then the thing we believe creates even more fear. The enemy doesn't necessarily have to do anything dramatic when he can simply convince us to agree with a lie.

Think about how often this happens in everyday life. A child gets upset because a friend doesn't invite them somewhere, and underneath the anger is the fear that nobody likes them. A teenager makes a mistake and suddenly believes they are a failure. A child becomes anxious about something happening at school because they don't trust that they will be okay. A sibling conflict escalates because one child believes the other doesn't care about them. An adult becomes overwhelmed by a financial situation and begins believing that God won't provide. The outward circumstances can look completely different, but underneath them there may be the same two things: fear and a lie.

That is why one of the most powerful questions we can learn to ask our children is incredibly simple: “What are you afraid of?” When a child is acting out, becoming frustrated, shutting down, or responding in a way that seems disproportionate to the situation, we can move beyond the behavior and begin looking at the heart. Instead of immediately asking, “Why are you acting like this?” we can ask, “What are you afraid of?” Sometimes the answer will be obvious. Sometimes the child won't know. Sometimes they'll insist they aren't afraid of anything. But beneath the anger, frustration, defensiveness, withdrawal, or anxiety, there may be a fear that needs to be brought into the light.

We have been conditioned in many ways to believe that fear is simply part of life. We tell ourselves that we have to be afraid because something bad might happen. We anticipate rejection, failure, loss, disappointment, or abandonment. But Scripture gives us a different foundation. Second Timothy 1:7 tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. That doesn't mean we will never experience the sensation of fear. It means fear does not have to become the thing that governs us. We can recognize it, bring it before God, and choose to operate from the power, love, and sound mind He provides.

One of the things I have been learning in my own relationship with God is how many fears can ultimately be traced back to whether or not we trust Him as Provider, Protector, and Promise keeper.

What are you afraid of? Maybe you're afraid God won't provide. Maybe you're afraid He won't protect you. Maybe you're afraid He won't keep His promises. Once we identify the fear, we can begin asking the deeper question: What am I believing about God right now? And that question can lead us directly to the lie.

This is where teaching our children discernment becomes so important. If fear is present, there is often a belief underneath it. Maybe the belief is, “I'm going to be abandoned.” Maybe it is, “Nobody cares about me.” Maybe it is, “I have to take care of everything myself.” Maybe it is, “God isn't really going to come through for me.” Maybe it is, “If I make a mistake, everything will fall apart.” The fear is real, but the conclusion we've drawn from the fear may not be true. And if we never stop long enough to identify the lie, we can spend years allowing that lie to shape our decisions, relationships, reactions, and view of God.

This is why I want my children to know that they don't have to hide their fear. Fear needs to come into the light. Sometimes we think admitting that we're afraid means we're weak. We may even be afraid to tell God what we're really thinking because we assume He will be angry with us. But God is not asking us to pretend. He already knows what is happening in our hearts. When we can honestly say, “God, I'm afraid,” or “I don't trust You to provide,” or “I don't believe this promise right now,” we are no longer hiding. We are bringing what is actually happening into His presence. 

The enemy loves what stays hidden. Fear that we refuse to acknowledge can grow. Lies that we refuse to examine can become beliefs. Beliefs can become patterns. Patterns can begin shaping our relationships and our identity. But when we identify the fear, identify the lie, and bring it into the light, we have an opportunity to choose something different. We can repent of believing the lie and replace it with truth. “I renounce the lie that God will not provide, and I choose to believe that God is my provider.” The process is simple, but it is powerful because we are no longer operating unconsciously. We have recognized the scheme.

And this is where spiritual warfare becomes practical parenting. We don't necessarily need to teach our children a complicated theology of spiritual warfare before they can understand how to stand firm. We can teach them to recognize what is happening inside their own hearts. What are you afraid of? What are you believing? Is that belief true? What does God's Word say? Those questions can become tools that children carry with them long after they leave our homes.

Imagine a teenager experiencing rejection from a friend. Instead of immediately spiraling into, “Nobody likes me,” they learn to pause and ask, “What am I afraid of?” They realize, “I'm afraid that I'm not wanted.” Then they can ask, “What am I believing?” They identify the lie: “If this person doesn't want me, nobody wants me.” And then they can replace it with truth: “My worth doesn't come from whether this person accepts me. I am loved by God.” That is discernment. That is discipleship. That is learning how to resist the enemy's schemes.

The same process works in our relationships. Think about how much conflict begins with fear and lies. We fear rejection, so we become defensive. We fear being controlled, so we become angry. We fear being hurt again, so we refuse to trust. We believe someone doesn't care about us, so we interpret everything they do through that assumption. We believe that forgiveness means what happened didn't matter, so we refuse to forgive. And slowly, the relationship becomes a battleground.

This is why recognizing the enemy's schemes is so connected to forgiveness and reconciliation. Scripture reminds us that our struggle is not ultimately against flesh and blood.   When we recognize that fear and lies can be fueling conflict, we can stop looking only at the person standing in front of us and begin asking what is happening beneath the surface. What fear is operating here? What lie am I believing? What lie might the other person be believing? Where have I come into agreement with something that isn't true?

That doesn't mean we ignore sin or pretend harmful behavior didn't happen. It doesn't mean forgiveness eliminates boundaries or accountability. It means we learn to recognize the spiritual dynamics that can keep us trapped in anger, resentment, fear, and division. When we can identify those dynamics, we can begin responding differently.

And this is exactly why I believe our children need to be taught these things now. We don't want to wait until they're adults and they're already deeply entrenched in patterns of fear, deception, resentment, and relational conflict. We want to give them language for what is happening inside of them while they are still learning how to navigate the world. We want them to know that when they feel fear, they can bring it to God. When they recognize a lie, they can reject it. When they discover that they have believed something that isn't true, they can repent and replace it with truth. And when they encounter conflict with another person, they can learn to look beyond the immediate argument and ask what is really happening in the heart.

The enemy isn't creative. He doesn't need a brand-new strategy for every generation. Fear and lies have been remarkably effective for a very long time. But the good news is that we don't have to remain ignorant of his schemes. We can learn to recognize them. We can teach our children to recognize them. And we can train our families to respond with truth instead of fear, faith instead of deception, and reconciliation instead of division.

The goal isn't to raise children who are constantly looking for the devil behind every problem. The goal is to raise children who know the truth so well that they can recognize a lie when it comes. We aren't raising fearful children who are obsessed with spiritual warfare. We are raising children who understand the authority and goodness of God and know how to stand firm when fear and deception try to pull them away from that truth.

If you want to begin applying these principles in your own family, I have a free Forgiveness & Reconciliation Printable available. It's designed to help you begin identifying some of the dynamics that can interfere with forgiveness and reconciliation. And if you're ready to go deeper into the process of healing, the Pathway to Wholeness Course is available for $87 and provides a deeper pathway for working through wounds, forgiveness, and wholeness.

You don't have to remain ignorant of the enemy's schemes.

And neither do your children.

Teach them to recognize the fear. Teach them to identify the lie. Teach them to find the truth. And teach them how to stand.

Check out more resources available at www.ashleytilford.com. Also check out the full podcast episode at the Family Room Mission Podcast.