Who God Says Your Children Are Before the World Does

Who God Says Your Children Are Before the World Does

There is a question we all ask, whether out loud or quietly in our hearts:

Who am I?

The world is eager to answer that question for us and our kids. Schools, social media, culture, friends, influencers, and even strangers online all compete to shape identity. They tell our children to look inward, experiment, redefine themselves, and “find” who they are. But as parents, we were never called to release our children into the world hoping they eventually stumble across their identity on their own.

We were called to disciple them.

Not just to raise good kids. Not just to teach manners, responsibility, or success. Those things matter, but they are not the foundation. The deeper calling of parenthood is helping our children discover who God says they are before the world has a chance to tell them otherwise.

That changes the entire posture of parenting.

Instead of asking, “Who do I want my child to become?” we begin asking, “Lord, who did You create them to be?”

Years ago, when our children were still very young, my husband and I intentionally prayed over each one of them. We asked God for insight into their identity, their design, and the purpose He had placed on their lives. We wanted to partner with Heaven instead of parenting purely from our own expectations.

For our oldest daughter, the Lord highlighted the phrase salt and light. It fit her personality perfectly even as a little girl. She naturally drew people in. She cared deeply about right and wrong. She wanted others to do what was right too. There was already a boldness and conviction in her spirit that reflected the heart of Matthew 5.

So we began speaking that identity over her. We prayed into it. We blessed her with it. And not long after that, she started telling us she felt called to be a missionary.

She was only five or six years old.

At the time, we didn’t fully know what that would look like. But we recognized something important: when children understand who God created them to be, purpose often begins unfolding naturally. Our job as parents is not to control that process, but to nurture it.

Now, years later, she’s in high school and still feels strongly called toward missions. Because we’ve recognized that calling early, we’ve been able to support her instead of fighting against the way God wired her. We don’t feel pressure to force her into a traditional path simply because it’s expected culturally. Instead, we ask how we can help prepare her for the assignment God may have on her life.

A few years ago, we also began exploring redemptive gifts as a family. As we prayed about her design, we felt strongly that her redemptive gift was giver. Suddenly, even more pieces started fitting together. Givers are often wired to think generationally. They carry a desire to invest, build, and establish things that impact others long-term. Missions beautifully aligned with that design.

Understanding her gift also helped us recognize areas where she would need growth and discipleship. Every strength has weaknesses attached to it. For her, stewardship and ownership were areas we knew we needed to intentionally train.

I remember when she had the opportunity to go on a mission trip with her school. The cost was manageable for us as parents, but she felt led to contribute one hundred dollars of her own money. At first, she hesitated. Giving away her own resources felt difficult.

That became a discipleship moment.

I asked her if maybe God wanted to teach her something deeper—not just about giving financially, but about trusting Him to provide through community and partnership. So she prayed about it and decided to raise support instead of paying the entire amount herself.

She reached out to grandparents, church members, and friends. One by one, people gave. Before long, the entire amount had been raised.

What looked small on the surface was actually preparation for her future calling. She was learning dependence on God, partnership within the body of Christ, and the practical realities of missions long before adulthood.

That’s what happens when parenting becomes discipleship instead of behavior management.

So much of the friction we experience with our children comes from expecting them to think, respond, or function exactly like we do. But our children were not designed to be copies of us. God created each of them uniquely, intentionally, and purposefully.

When we seek the Lord about their design instead of trying to force our own expectations onto them, we begin parenting with greater wisdom and compassion. We stop asking, “Why are they so different from me?” and begin asking, “How can I steward the way God made them?”

That shift matters deeply right now because identity confusion is everywhere. Our culture constantly asks children to define themselves apart from their Creator. But Scripture tells us something entirely different: before they were born, God already knew them. He already designed them. He already prepared good works for them to walk in.

As parents, we have the privilege of helping uncover those things.

Not perfectly. Not with all the answers. But faithfully.

And sometimes that journey starts with simply asking God one honest question:

“Who did You create my child to be?”

If you want help understanding your child’s identity, purpose, and gifting, I have a free Redemptive Gift Quiz available on my website that can help you begin exploring how God uniquely designed your family. I also created the Kingdom Kids Identity Course, a simple $7 resource that walks parents through practical steps for helping children understand their identity in Christ, recognize their gifts, and grow in spiritual confidence.

You can find both resources and more at www.ashleytilford.com